ConvergenceCoaching, LLC Inspired Ideas

Giving In To Facebook

If you have followed my social media journey, you’ll remember my initial reticence to spend time on Facebook.   Even though Facebook has over 400 million users, 50% of whom are logged in on any given day, I have avoided investing professional resources in the platform because I thought it was mostly to be used for personal reasons and something my just-becoming-adult nieces and nephews used to talk to friends (not necessarily the place for Aunt Jen to allocate her limited networking time).  I couldn’t see how our team might use the medium to further our initiatives.

Well, I’m writing this blog to eat crow because it has become clear to me that Facebook has true business applications for entities other than video game producers, restaurants and bars, and I believe that our professional services firm (and yours) should be out there – and now!

I have to credit Michelle Baca on our team (www.facebook.com/michellebaca) with transforming my thinking on Facebook.  Michelle has studied its vast feature set and has patiently demonstrated Facebook business applications to me, primarily in meetings with our clients.  At one meeting recently, the community building potential of Facebook and its application for our business – and  our clients – finally began to crystallize for me.  So, despite my thoughts still being formative, I want to share my growing excitement about this application with a user base large enough to be the fourth largest country on our planet.  Here are a few ways that your firm can begin to harness its power:

• Consider developing two corporate pages – one for building a community of clients, prospects, influencers, referral sources, vendors and existing employees and another for attracting and communicating with prospective and existing employees.  This functionality is free with Facebook.
• Use your corporate community page to communicate regularly with your “fans” – people you invite to follow your corporate posts.  Take a look at our corporate community page (and become a fan!) at http://tinyurl.com/ykkwfm5 .  You can use your community page to:
  • Promote upcoming events and recap past events
  • Share news
  • Highlight important product or service announcements
  • Spotlight your key people and allow others to know them better
  • Share pictures from company events
  • Promote your community service activities
  • Seed discussion topics and encourage your fans to interact
  • Request feedback and gain insight into the opinions of your fans
• Create a corporate careers page and form a community of existing and prospective employees.   Doing so will enable you to position your firm as a fun and friendly place to work and create an ongoing communication platform for staying in touch with talent in your field.  If your firm engages in on-campus recruiting programs, you can use this page to promote upcoming campus events and build distinct lists of fans who are affiliated with specific campuses.  Consider appointing employee ambassadors to act as administrators of your careers page to allow prospective employees to ask questions of, and interact with, peers already working at your firm.
• Integrate your corporate Facebook status updates with your firm’s main spokesperson’s Twitter account (www.twitter.com).  This will enable you to reach multiple social media audiences with one communications effort.

So, how is your firm using Facebook to communicate with your constituents?  What concerns do you have about using the platform in your business?  Please post a reply and further our collective thinking.  We’re excited to learn more about the business applications of this incredible platform!

Gratefully,

Jen Wilson

www.convergencecoaching.com

Ask, And Ye Shall Receive!

In a recent ConvergenceCoaching team meeting, a colleague of mine, Krista Remer, made the suggestion that we should boldly ask for what we want.  We are a faith-based organization, so we were exploring why we don’t ask God for all that our hearts desire, as He instructs us to do, but rather pretend to be politically correct – even with Him! – and only ask for something we think merits His time.  Then, we started applying the idea of boldly asking for what we want to our business development strategies, client relationships and even with each other, so I thought I’d explore this idea further in this blog post. 

I found a post by Scott H. Young on his blog Get More From Life  that I think is right on: “Whether it is advice, a sale or a date, confident people ask others for what they want. They ask for what they want out of the world and they ask for what they want out of themselves. Surprisingly much of achieving goals is simply building up the courage to ask for them.”

So, why don’t we have the courage to ask?  As we discussed this topic in our team meeting, we said we sometimes don’t ask our clients if we should help them with a project or tell them about a service we offer that could help them with an issue they’re facing because we’re sensitive to the impact the economy has had on businesses around the country and we don’t want to be perceived as acting from self-interest or being insensitive to their financial plight.  Yet, the key word that jumps out at me is “help.”  We’re asking how we can help our clients grow their practices, thrive in this economy and keep their people.  Instead of acting boldly out of our commitment to serve others, we hold back and risk missing an opportunity to make an even bigger difference for our clients.

I have noticed it’s easier to make a difference, which is one of our organization’s core values, when I ask if I can do so.  We’ve been raised to some degree thinking that it’s selfish to ask things of others, when the opposite is really true.  Others benefit by my asking – whether it’s to take on a new client, be promoted, go on a date, or clean their room – those that I’m asking reap some reward because they said yes.   That’s the other thing that I’ve noticed about asking – it does produce win-win results for me and the person I’m asking (and usually the rewards are received quickly!).

I assert that we don’t ask for what we want in many areas of our lives.  I hear from partners that I coach who don’t ask their people for the time, quality, or leadership they need because they’re afraid it might be too much or because the partners feel it should be assumed and they shouldn’t have to ask.  I know I definitely do this with my husband and children – I don’t ask for what I want because “they should know.”  Boy, does that get me into trouble at times, causing a lot of unneeded miscommunication and hurt feelings. 

If we don’t ask, other people can’t fulfill our requests.  That is the quandary.  My mother-in-law always said, “You won’t get what you want if you don’t ask and the worst thing that could happen anyway is that they’ll say no.”  But how many times do we really get a no?  We’ve seen this proven out when we facilitate leadership and performance management training.  We believe in the saying, “People will rise to where you set the bar,” and we have seen that people really do.  When I ask for support from a colleague, I usually get it enthusiastically, and when I ask a client or prospect if I can help them achieve their goals, often the response is an enthusiastic, “Yes!”

So, I plan to ask more in my life and I am confident that one of the many dividends will be more opportunities to make a difference while I’m fulfilling on my goals. Will you join me? Where are you not asking for what you want? Are you like me and could start by asking God first for what’s on your heart?  What else could you ask for today?  Post a comment and share what you’re going to ask for or the results you get when you do ask! 

Warmly,

Tamera Loerzel

www.convergencecoaching.com

Expectant Hope

I am so excited to join this great team at ConvergenceCoaching!  And this includes not only my colleagues, but all of the great CPA and IT firms and professionals we are privileged to serve!  As I make my start with ConvergenceCoaching, I can see how all of my learning and experience have prepared me for such a time as this.

Ten years ago, I was asked to lead a team to propose on the outsourcing of the Rockwell International tax reporting function. As we worked on the proposal, I kept thinking about how I would answer the question, “How many times have you done this before?”  Of course, I had never done this exact type of work, but my confidence grew when I realized that I had been preparing for Rockwell through everything I had done up to that point. As it turned out, I did not get a chance to test that answer with the Rockwell folks, but perhaps they could see I was ready because they selected our team for a three year engagement.

Sarbanes-Oxley shut the door on our continuing with Rockwell for a fourth year and beyond, so I found myself looking for the next challenge. With restrictions on our ability to provide services to our attest clients, Deloitte decided to invest in my deployment as a full time “Lead Client Service Partner.”  Here was the vision: “There are some great companies that we would like you to turn into clients, by treating them like clients. We have never done any work for these companies, we don’t know them and they don’t know us.”  Realizing again that I had been preparing my whole life for this particular mission, I said, “You had me at hello!”  And the “return” on that investment was not only new revenue streams from new clients, but also the greatest time of my life leading and serving clients with cross functional teams.

And you know what I really value?  It’s being part of a team.  My greatest joy is in winning as a team – not a personal moment of glory, but a true team victory.  I believe that we are not created to be alone, and that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished alone.  As we teach at ConvergenceCoaching, we are all leaders regardless of our role.  True leaders serve their teams and that’s where my heart is – in servant leadership. We need each other and I need all of you! 

I’m reminded of the story of Julius Caesar’s conquest of England, where to secure the commitment of his team, Caesar “burned the ships” – so there was only going forward and no going back.  While not always a conscious choice, “burning the ships” has been part of my life experience and I’m thankful that as I have moved forward in my life and career, there was no “going back” option.  I’ve learned to embrace the change that the future always brings, and while I can’t “go back,” I can draw confidence from my past experience and use it to shape the future.

Expectant hope. That’s what I have.  Not a “roll the dice and see what happens” kind of hope, but an expectant hope.  A hope that comes from knowing that I’m here for a purpose, and that all I have learned and done and experienced on my journey has prepared me to serve alongside you.  My hope flows from a spirit of thankfulness to God, the One from whom all blessings flow. I’m especially thankful to now be a part of you.

Best regards,

Jack

Busy Season Survival Strategies

Last April, we published a blog post entitled “Who Needs A Little Post-Busy Season Renewal” - but this year, we wanted to help you get a jumpstart on taking care of yourself and your team! It can be tempting to tell yourself that you’re just going to “tough it out,” and “plow through” to get to the end of busy season.  But, April 16th could feel like a day very far into the future if you don’t take some pressure relieving measures well in advance!

Also, remember that along with the high level of pressure during busy season, there is also a high level of client contact at this time of year. With this increase in client “face time” comes the opportunity to build and/or further develop rapport, identify cross-selling opportunities and ask for referrals. You can’t be at your best, provide your clients the impression you have the interest and capacity to do more and make the most of these opportunities if you are stressed  and tired.  While the health and well-being of you and your team is crucial, keep in mind that your firm’s financial health could depend on your ability to effectively manage the volume and compression, too! 

With approximately fifty-one days left in the “official” “busy season, here are some ideas that you (or your admin or HR staff) can incorporate fun, levity and stress-relief into your work days (and nights!).  Undertake these ideas to help your team members not only survive – but to be at the top of their games during this busy season:

Relaxation and Renewal

• Bring in a masseuse to give 15-minute chair massages
• Have periodic stretching or dancing breaks
• Hold an in-house yoga or meditation class during lunch
• Design a “resting room” where people can go to take a break, read a magazine, or take a power nap
• Bring in exercise equipment like a treadmill or elliptical machine (exercise releases endorphins, the “feel good” chemicals, and is one of the best stress management techniques we know of!)

Fuel for the Body

• Bring in yogurt, fruit, bagels or muffins for breakfast
• Provide healthy afternoon snacks like fruit, yogurt, pretzels, or nuts
• Take orders and go on a morning or afternoon coffee run
• Bring in restaurant menus for team members who are working through dinner and order in
• Provide breakfast and lunch on Saturdays
• Have theme days with complimentary food, like a Mexican fiesta, Hawaiian luau, Italian feast, barbeque, etc.
• Have a potluck day where everyone contributes a menu item or host a chili cook off

Games and Contests

• Develop trivia games with prizes for the winner – you can create a theme such as “The Olympics” or “Songs from the 90’s”
• Have team members bring in their baby pictures and hold a contest to see who can make the most correct matches
• Play memory games or have “Survivor Challenges” like who can stand on one leg the longest

Convenience and Family Considerations

• Consider making a concierge service available to run errands like picking up dry cleaning or prescriptions
• Allow flexible scheduling, for example allowing those who consider themselves “night people” may be more productive if they come in a little later and work later hours

Acknowledgement

As Tamera Loerzel wrote in her September 16, 2009 blog post entitled “Programs to Inspire Your Team,”, Acknowledgment and Respect is one of the six major motivators for people in their careers. Acknowledging effort and hard work can go a long way, especially at times when pressure is at its highest and people may be being pushed to their limits. Here are some of the ways you can demonstrate appreciation to your team members:

• Send personal appreciation emails or hand-written notes to people for a job well done
• Stop by someone’s cubicle or office to tell them what a great job they did on a project
• Send group communications acknowledging team accomplishments or singling out a team member for an achievement in a staff meeting
• Implement a “wow” note program where anyone can submit someone’s name and accomplishment for acknowledgement and then read the “wow” notes at firm-wide meetings
• Give gift cards for exceptional performance

What are you doing to make this busy season at your firm less stressful and more fun? Are there some new ideas that you will try out this year? What are some old “tried and true” activities that have become a tradition at your firm? Please let us know what’s working and what you have planned for this year.

Resources with Other Ideas for Reducing Stress and Increasing Fun During Busy Season:

PCPS Seasonality Success Newsletter, October 2006, Volume #1 Issue 1:
http://tinyurl.com/yk8mgku

PCPS March 2008 Brief:
http://tinyurl.com/ykz7wpe

 

Best wishes for a successful and fun –filled busy season!

Michelle Baca
www.convergencecoaching.com

The Power of Yoga – Or Any Exercise Really!

I’m a yoga fanatic.  But I am not writing this blog to enroll you in the yoga movement if you aren’t already swept up in it.  Instead, I want to talk about the real benefits I experience from regular exercise in my life and why our team is so committed to it that we even include it in our recommendations for the managers and partners we coach.  If you want to increase your energy levels or improve your overall mood and positivity, which are two of the seven benefits of exercise the Mayo Clinic touts, “look no further than good old fashioned exercise.”

As Jennifer Wilson wrote in her March 25, 2009 blog post, Manage Stress, Don’t Let It Manage You, “Exercise produces “feel good” endorphins that help reduce or mitigate stress.” There is nothing like the endorphin high and energy rush that I get after a good run or bike ride or the combined stamina and relaxation I feel after an Ashtanga yoga session.  Personally, I gain the health benefits that exercise provides and also benefit considerably by clearing my mind for an hour that gives me the energy – and “A-game” - I am then able to bring to my clients, co-workers, family and others with whom I come in contact after.

As we’re rapidly moving through February with the end of winter in sight, and for some of our friends in the accounting profession ramping up for the busiest time of the year, exercise could just be the energy booster you need.  While the “experts” recommend that you exercise every day, you’ll reap benefits immediately by committing to start by exercising once or twice a week and then ramp up to more activity as you go. Pick activities that interest you and are easily accessible.  For me, living in Minnesota, I have to belong to a gym to ensure that I have a year-round exercise program due to weather – since you will not find me running outdoors in sub-zero temperatures!

I also find that I am more motivated when I set exercise goals for myself, and they are usually pretty lofty so that I have to really work to achieve them – like running a half marathon the first year I started running or riding a 300-mile bike ride (over four days) last year after not having been on a bike for more than three years (check out my blog post on the realization of that goal at Speak It Into Existence).  I also like to change it up to keep it interesting, so I’ll try new class times and teachers at the gym or new exercise forms to keep it fresh.  Some people like a routine that they can count on and that’s fine, too.  

If you’ve been putting off exercise because you don’t feel you have time, you don’t think it will be “fun” or you are afraid you won’t stick to it, I would encourage you just to pick something, check with your doctor to get clearance if needed, and get started anyway.  Find a friend to join you, put it on your calendar just as you would a client appointment, and then keep the commitment.  I have a friend who started her exercise plan two years and picked walking as the activity. This past year, she and several of her friends walked the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure here in Minnesota in August and took a “walking vacation” by completing the walk in Phoenix in November.    You never know what sharing your commitment to exercise with a friend and then sticking to it can lead to!

Soon, you’ll get “hooked” on the real benefits of exercise and discover – as I did – that you don’t want to live without it!   Post a comment and share what you’re going to do to – or are already doing –to enhance your well-being, energy level and overall outlook on life.  We’d love to know what you’re up to!

Warmly,

 

 

Tamera Loerzel

www.convergencecoaching.com

Good News for Tax Preparers and Marketers - IRS 7216 Revisions

Over the past year, IRS Section 7216 has been a hot topic. Since it went into effect on January 1, 2009, there have been many questions, concerns, and confusion over the legal implications to tax preparers. The intent was to prohibit tax preparers from “knowingly or recklessly” disclosing or using tax related information other than in connection with the preparation of returns.  Section 7216 also set forth the requirement for tax preparers to obtain consent from their tax-only clients to distribute non-tax related information to them and to share their information with any third-party. I wrote a blog post in February, 2009, How IRS Section 7216 Affects Your Marketing Activities, outlining the implications of IRS Section 7216 on firm’s marketing activities and wanted to follow it up with a review of the recent revisions and clarifications issued regarding that section.

On December 30th, 2009, the IRS released two new revenue rulings (Rev. Rul. 2010-4 and Rev. Rul. 2010-5) to provide clarification and guidance on determining whether a tax return preparer is liable for criminal and civil penalties for using or disclosing tax return information in certain situations.

As the video explanation of the revision by the Journal of Accountancy outlines, the new rules enable tax return preparers to use or disclose tax return information without explicit taxpayer consent in certain limited circumstances. A summary of some of these exceptions are outlined below.

Based on our understanding, Revenue Ruling 2010-4 indicates that tax preparers may:

• Send communications to tax clients to inform them of changes in tax law that could affect the taxpayer’s income tax liability reported in previous tax returns processed by the preparer and to advise on any need to file amended returns or take another course of action.
• Communicate with tax clients to inform them of changes in rules or regulations and to explain how those changes may affect them as well as to advise on an appropriate course of action.
• Communicate with tax clients regarding prospective changes in rules or regulations that may affect a current return. For example, sending communications regarding economic stimulus provisions would be allowable.
• Furnish third-party service providers with names and/or e-mail addresses to contact tax clients for the purposes of creating, publishing, or distributing newsletters or other types of communication pieces containing tax information and general business or economic information and analysis for educational purposes.

Please note that it is our understanding that tax preparers may NOT send communications to tax clients who have specifically requested not to be contacted or who have informed the preparer that they will not be using their services in the next filing season.

Revenue Ruling 2010-5 clarifies rules for dealing with liability insurance carriers, stating that tax preparers may disclose tax clients’ information:

• If it is required by the insurance carrier in order to obtain coverage.
• If the information is necessary in order to make an insurance claim.
• To secure legal representation regarding a liability issue.

I have attempted to outline the main issues addressed in the rule revisions and we will continue to monitor any other activity or release of clarifications or additional information and will certainly pass them on as we become aware of them.  For more information and the specific detail pertaining to the IRS Section 7216 updates that you’ll need to consider for your firm, visit these resources:

• IRS.gov’s 7216 Information Center
• AICPA’s Practice Guide on New Section 7216 Guidance
• WebCPA’s article, The IRS Loosens Rules on Preparer Use of Taxpayer Info
• AccountingWEB’s article, IRS Issues Proposed Regulations Adjusting Use of Some Taxpayer Information

In the meantime, please feel free to post any questions or further information or insights you may have to offer us and our readers related to IRS Section 7216.

Kind Regards,

Michelle Baca
www.convergencecoaching.com

Letting Go Gracefully

How Successful Would Jay Leno Have Been If Johnny Carson Had Never Really Let Go?

I coach a lot of successful, powerful people as they prepare to retire from important positions like CEO, Managing Partner, Practice Leader and more.  There are important strategies and tactics to ensure a successful transition, including choosing a successor, documenting the clients, people, processes and duties that the successor will inherit and training the successor to ensure their readiness for their new role. 

More important than all of these, though, is the mental preparation of the retiring party and the development of their steely commitment to let go with grace. 

After all, retiring is hard.  For many, they picture mall walking, being under-foot at home, endless hours with grandchildren (which for some sounds heavenly, while others are not as amused), and a life that has less meaning.  Sadly, these stereotypical images of retirement haunt many that I encounter and their fears of living a life-less-useful keep them from preparing for retirement properly, setting up their successors for true and lasting success, and ultimately jeopardizing their long-term legacy because they don’t ensure the perpetuation of their organization without them.

Letting go is hard.  Retirees must face the “death” of their career and pass through Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s (http://tinyurl.com/7pahq) five stages of grief including denial (where many get stuck and never progress), anger, bargaining, depression or sadness and finally, acceptance.   Most retirees do not want to admit their fears, feelings of vulnerability or their sadness at the loss of their work identity.  As a result, they hang on well past the point of what’s best for their successor, their organization or themselves.

One of the best ways to combat the fears of retirement is to ensure that they don’t come true.  If you’re facing retirement, you can create and then cause an exciting new possibility for your life after work that can include travel, golf or other exercise, volunteer work, a new unrelated vocation, going to school, reading all the books you’ve had to pass up, catching up on movies, researching topics or hobbies you’ve wanted to learn, having leisurely lunch with friends and family and more.  Life after “the old job” can be exciting, fulfilling and transformative.  You can continue to learn, contribute and grow after retirement.  The decision is entirely yours.

I’ve been bothered by the Leno-O’Brien story (http://tinyurl.com/yjf97lm).  This is mostly because I keep encountering equally-harmful iterations of this story in firms across America.  On occasion, I plan to write about strategies to help retirees let go with grace in this blog.  In the meantime, if you have some ideas or experiences on this subject, please post them so others can benefit.   We’re all ears! 

Gratefully,

Jen

Rebuilding Trust - It Starts With Forgiveness

In my last blog, I explored developing trust with others, and now will consider those situations when trust has eroded and we are seeking to rebuild a trusting relationship.

We can’t rebuild trust in a relationship until forgiveness occurs.  To forgive, you have to be willing to give up your feeling of being wounded.  Dictionary.com defines forgiveness as, “To grant pardon to; to cease to feel resentment against; to cancel an indebtedness or liability of.”  Sometimes old hurts and resentments become a badge of self-righteousness.  When we let go, we may not know what to do.  Think of your resentments as a heavy load that you are carrying around and the load gets bigger and heavier with time.  Notice how the load holds you in the past.  This first step in rebuilding trust and forgiving is letting go.  In order to move on, you must commit to releasing your feelings of anger, resentment, and the need to punish the person with whom you have lost trust. 

Sometimes, we’re afraid to let go because we’re afraid that this would mean that we’re condoning the other person’s actions.  Forgiveness doesn’t deny responsibility for behavior - you have simply committed not to hold the other person in debt. The Positive Way explains forgiveness this way: “Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.  It is a release from the burden of anger and pain.  When you choose to forgive, you choose to live in the present and the future instead of the past.  It does not mean to forget but it does mean to release and go on.  Forgiveness doesn't happen on its own, you must choose to forgive.”  According to Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture, there are three parts to an apology: 1) Say, “I’m sorry [for the issue]”; 2) Make a statement of commitment; and 3) Ask what you can do to make it right.  Only when you forgive the person who wronged you, can you determine if you want the relationship to continue, and if so, begin to work on reconciliation with the other party.    

In Stephen M.R. Covey's book, The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything, he states that a loss of trust that is created by a violation of character is much more difficult to restore than one that is created by a violation of competence.  When competence is the issue, it is typically easier for the other party to take responsibility and recommit to deliver results, get better, confront reality, right wrongs, and keep commitments.  When the violation is an issue of character – such as someone’s  integrity, dishonesty or motive -  more time is likely required to restore trust.  Sometimes, you may determine that the relationship cannot continue and you should then forgive the person and move on.  It is still important – for you as much as for the other person – that you pardon the person of wrong-doing so you can both be free.

Restoring trust and rebuilding the relationship requires that you be in the present (versus reliving the past – you let that go!) and determine what you need from the other person in your relationship.  Be willing to clearly ask for changes in behaviors in ways that can be observed and understood.  Offer similar changes yourself to support your request and show your commitment to the relationship and willingness to change.  Put your agreement in writing when appropriate (especially in professional relationships) and check in with each other on a regular basis to be accountable to each other for your part. 

At times, old fears and suspicions may resurface.  Similar circumstances may bring up the old pain.  Remind yourself of the difference between then and now and move back into the present moment.  You may choose to speak openly to the other person about your recurring fears, focusing on sharing, not accusing and own the fear as yours rather than the other person’s fault.  This is when transparency and honesty are most valuable.  This is about making peace with the past and living in the NOW.

A recent example of rebuilding trust is with a friend who allowed a great deal of construction work to be done on her rental property by someone she trusted with only a handshake.  When he presented her with a bill that she felt was exorbitant, she refused to pay it and hired a lawyer to prosecute him for fraud.  Her trusting relationship of many years was destroyed.  He went away feeling misunderstood and undervalued for his skill and service; she went away feeling taken advantage of.  He wants to rebuild the relationship and has offered a lower fee for his services as a start.  Even though he does not agree that he overpriced the work, the caring relationship was more important to him than the money. She is still in the early stages of rebuilding trust and is working to let go of the anger and pain.   Beginning with clear communication - talking straight and demonstrating respect – will help them work to restore trust and rebuild their relationship.

Up until now, I’ve focused our discussions of eroded trust based on the feeling that we’ve been wronged.  What if we were the one who eroded trust by wronging – or disappointing – someone?  Consider starting by asking for forgiveness.  Then identify what the other person needs from you and what behaviors you could change – begin with the 13 behaviors Covey identified, as I discussed in last week’s blog, Building Trust – What Does It Really Take.

If you are struggling with a lack of trust in a relationship, I hope that these ideas will offer some possibilities for positive change.  I have found them to be helpful guidelines in my work and personal life.  Forgiveness becomes its own reward.  Living in the present moment and letting go of the pain and resentment of the past lightens our load and brings hope and possibility into our future. What actions can you take to rebuild trust in relationships?

Warmly,

Sylvia Lane

Building Trust - What It Really Takes

As we move into this new year and new decade, one of the things that seems definite for us is change.  As my colleague, Tamera Loerzel, explored in her blog Who Are You Going to Be In The Face Of Change, whether it’s our economy, our government, our weather patterns, the foods we eat, or the people with whom we interact, things continue to evolve.  One of the ways to help keep ourselves centered and balanced is to ensure that we have trust in the people with whom we have relationships as we work to navigate these changes, accomplish our goals and fulfill our dreams.

To truly trust, we must first define it and understand why it is so important in this changing phase of history.  In his book, The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything, Stephen M.R. Covey states, “Simply put, trust means confidence.  The opposite of trust – distrust – is suspicion. When you trust people, you have confidence in them – in their integrity and in their abilities. When you distrust people, you are suspicious of them – their integrity, their agenda, their capabilities, or their track record. It’s that simple.”   

Every relationship --- whether personal or professional --- requires a foundation of trust to be successful.  In the early stages of a successful relationship, what is taking place is the development of trust.  If this does not happen, chances are that the relationship is short-lived or never gets off the ground at all.

So, how do we develop trust?  Often, it seems this is done unconsciously and instinctively.  We choose partners that we've known before and have had good feelings about and achieved positive results with at work or in our personal lives.  When we look closer at what caused us to feel good about a person and trust them, certain factors help us build trust or erode it.  Specifically, Covey identifies thirteen behaviors that build (or in the absence of them erode) trust: straight talk, demonstrating respect, creating transparency, righting wrongs, showing loyalty, delivering results, getting better, confronting reality, clarifying expectations, practicing accountability, listening first, keeping commitments, and extending trust first.

To develop trust with another person, it is helpful to start with a self-assessment to reflect on how trustworthy you are. How would you rate yourself on these thirteen behaviors?  Where can you improve?  We all can improve in some area, and it is helpful to be willing to acknowledge where you might not be as strong and commit to work on that area.  For me, I have chosen to work on confronting reality.  I am the eternal optimist and can ignore or reframe difficulties in an effort to create inspiration for the solution.  Unfortunately, sometimes I get reinforcement to keep skipping past the difficult points and don’t address them in my solutions.  Now, I am choosing to stop and pay attention in the present moment to what is actually taking place.  Now, I will say to myself, "Why am I avoiding the truth of what is going on?  Does it hurt too much?  Will it hurt someone else if I speak of it?  Does the problem feel too big to solve?  Does it sound so difficult that I won't get any help?"  Probably none of my fears will come true.  The situation will be easier to work on when I actually face what is taking place and discuss it with others involved.  When we can discuss the elephant in the middle of the room, we can work together to get it moved out of the way.

In my next blog post, I will explore some ideas about how to restore trust.  In the meantime, how are you doing in maintaining trust in your relationships?  What can you do to enhance trust starting today?  Post a comment and share!  We’d love to hear from you.

Warmly,

Sylvia Lane
www.convergencecoaching.com

Revamp the Resolution

I have heard a lot about New Year’s resolutions in the past week or two.  When I hear someone stating their resolution, I often find myself thinking, “so what?” or even “yeah, right!”  I think this is due to the fact that we all tend to say things at times – even out loud – that we are not sure we can follow through with.  Sure, most people have great intentions and most of the resolutions I have heard are terrific goals, but why do we only get this burst of commitment on January 1? 

To make real progress, I like to set shorter term goals.  Instead of looking at the (likely intimidating) big picture goal for the entire 2010 year, I will tell myself I am going to do X for the next three to six weeks.  If I can do something for three weeks, and I like the results, I will be motivated to do the same or similar action for another three weeks, and so on.  For instance, I am pretty good about working out during the work week, but unfortunately, the weekend tends to fill up with other activities and, yes, some laziness!  I have committed to go to the gym once every weekend for four weeks (starting last week).  So far, so good! 

While this may seem like a “wimpy” goal, I have more success setting these short term targets, and you may, too!  This way, I am constantly thinking about the next objective and not forgetting the commitment I made to myself early that year.  The important thing is to keep at it and continually think about the “next thing” – not just a one-time statement.   I can’t tell you how many years I have watched our gym membership swell – and the parking lots overflow – in January and February only to have those well-intended “resolvers” stay home come March and April. 

According to an article on www.PsychologyToday.com (at http://tinyurl.com/yzp6bqf), 22% fail in adhering to their New Year's resolutions after one week, 40% fail after one month, 50% after three months, 60% after six months, and 81% after twenty-four months.  The reasons for failing were due to:

·       Unclear or vague goals.  As we have written about in our past blog post on Produce the Unimaginable – Give By-When’s!, set measurable goals with a by-when date so you are sure to know when you have reached it.

·       Not checking progress toward the stated goals.  If you are setting short-term targets, the check-ins are built into your plan!

·       Lack of self-control and self-regulation when facing challenges. Give yourself some leeway and allow mistakes.  Then, get right back to the reason you made the resolution in the first place and keep at it versus giving into failure.

Another way to look at setting shorter term resolutions is if you have 40 pounds to lose, instead of saying, “I will lose 40 pounds by 12/31/10,” say, “I will lose 10 pounds by 3/31/10.”  Then, set the next objective for yourself beginning 4/1.

This idea can translate to a number of goals you may have for this year – both personally and professionally.  If you have resolved to eat more healthfully in 2010, tell yourself you will add one vegetable to your diet each day for the next three weeks.  See how you feel.  If you like the results, add one fruit to your diet each day.  The next goal may be to drink eight glasses of water daily.  Every commitment that you keep will compound until you have transformed your diet entirely (and you should feel great as a result)!

Professionally, if you want to gain X referrals for your business in 2010 (and don’t just commit to developing “more” referrals – be specific!), start small by committing to set up and attend one referral source lunch appointment each week for the next month.  Add more appointments or revise your plans as appropriate, depending on the success you are having with your current referral sources.

Any day is a great day to make a resolution – not just New Year’s Day!  What are your goals for this year, and where can you start with a short term commitment that you know you can keep?  Please share your comments and ideas with us!

Warmly,

Krista Remer

P.S.  If you’re like me and have an exercise-themed goal, read more about keeping your resolutions here: http://exercise.about.com/od/weightloss/a/keepresolutions.htm.